For You or No One Else At All
by Aesthetic Beauty
Summary: People say when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes and you see all the great things you have done in life. How was that possible when I had done nothing great?
1. For You

**For You or No One Else At All**  
  
**A.N.** I don't own anything. I'm sure you're aware of that. I do own Asuki though Characters are very not themselves... so sorries .  
  
**- Lets Begin -**  
  
He was finally with her. Together, forever. He was finally going to leave everything and everyone behind just to be with her.  
  
He was leaving me. He was leaving ME. His best friend in the whole wide world. And as I see him put the beautiful ring on his wife's delicate fingers, I can't help but feel envious. I was always envious. I never wanted him to leave me. I never thought, of all people he would be marrying her. And of all people, I was there to witness it. I didn't want my life to end. I didn't want to see him drift from me. And most of all I didn't want to see my most favorite and most cherished person in the world be gone from me. Forever. I wanted to be that special someone to him I wanted more then anything to be the one he's now kissing. The one that will hear his ever word of admiration and how beautiful I was.  
  
I was never worth it. I was never his. I never will be. I wish that every day that I could have stopped it, wishing that I had stopped it. And how I wish that I was brave enough to tell him. But I wasn't. I wasn't brave. I didn't stop it. I encouraged it. I didn't want to be selfish. But here I am. I am selfish. I am the maid of honor. And here I am. Envying the person who took away what made up my life. And here I am. Crying over something that was never mine and will never be mine. And here I am sad and vulnerable. And here I am, Sakura Kinomoto, the sad, unless girl. Foolish, foolish girl. How should I start this? Plain and simple. I was miserable from the beginning since I found out. Miserable. Absolutely miserable.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 3 Months Before  
  
It was about a few months back, or something like that. I don't keep track, and I'm glad I didn't. As usual, I'm walking home with Syaoran. I didn't feel too good and he wasn't helping much. Must have been the cafeteria food. I never did get use to it. He was telling me about something, I wasn't really sure what it was, but he was talking because I saw his lips moving. But I had a pretty good idea about who it was.  
  
"Sakura? Are you listening to me?" I looked at him with a sad look. My eyes clearly showed that I wasn't interested. I knew what it was about I always knew. Asuki. Asuki, Asuki, Asuki. I didn't want to know anymore. I was sick of it. I was so sick of hearing his obsession over her.  
  
"..Sorry, I'm just not feeling good. Hey, did you hear? Eriol's coming back this weekend. I heard he was finally staying for good." I looked at him dully. Maybe if I diverted his attention to his worst enemy. Who is also another one of our best friends. He would stop his bickering.  
  
"Eh! Are you serious? What if he tries to take Asuki away!?!?" He swung his arms around like a maniac. Great. God damn it. I hope he would just stop it! Even mentioning Eriol he some how relates it back to her!  
  
"Daijobu Sakura-chan?" I looked at him innocently and nodded. How long could I last? I looked at him and I slowly sped up my walking. "SAKURA! Stop walking so fast! Argh! You're driving me insane." I WAS DRIVING HIM INSANE? Talk about delusional! The guy has been talking about Asuki as if the world was about to end and he couldn't think up enough things about her before he died! AND HE WAS CALLING ME INSANE? Yes, not only was he delusional but he was head-over-heels IN LOVE. And I hated it. He never paid much attention to me as he did Asuki. And I was always with him. From diapers till now! But Asuki. She was my friend. And she didn't move here till last year. And here he was, full attention, like a dog that has his eyes on a slice of pizza that his owner laid out to cool off. He was fully interested. How Asuki didn't see this really brought a shock to me.  
  
"Fine, if you don't want to pay attention you don't HAVE TOO. I'll just go home myself." I felt myself swaying. And wow did I not feel good or what. This guy WAS blind. He's my best friend since the day he was born. I feel sick and he doesn't even care. More like he doesn't pay enough attention to notice. Someone needs to slap him for me. I look in front of me and I'm frightened I feel like the world was getting darker and that was it I couldn't keep myself up anymore. I swayed one last time hoping to get away unnoticed. I hated getting him worried. I couldn't do it though. And I let the darkness consume me. I couldn't let myself suffer anymore. And I fell.  
  
"SAKURA!" I heard him but I didn't really know what to do. Next thing I knew I was at the hospital. I was tired. Really tired. I looked to my left and I saw Syaoran sitting there asleep. Who would have thought a love sick puppy like him could be so adorable and innocent asleep. I pushed myself up and went to grab the pitcher of water. I don't know how long I was sleeping but my mouth was telling me to drink something before I die from dehydration. I grabbed the pitcher careful not to wake him up. No such luck. I had my hands a few inches away from the pitcher and the next thing I knew he had me in a tight bear hug.  
  
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! IF YOU'RE SICK TELL ME DON'T JUST PASS OUT!" Wonderful guy isn't he. His best friend wakes up from deep sleep and first thing he does is yells at her. He's wonderful. "You were out for a few days. The doctor said you had a small case of food poisoning and they are running on some test." I told you it was the cafeteria. "You were out since last Friday. Today is Wednesday. Don't worry the school knows, and the professors said you could make up things in class, good think we graduate in a couple of months! Your dad and Touya has been coming in lately do you want me to call them now to tell them you're awake now?"  
  
"Yea, can you? How is everyone? Did Eriol get here alright? How did Tomoyo do in the play? And how is Asuki?"  
  
"Sakura... everyone's fine. Eriol is at school and Tomoyo did great. AND ASUKI...well I did ask her out. You need to take care of yourself. You seem to be getting sick a lot lately. You want the doctor to do a total check up on you?"  
  
Doctor? Check up? That was WEIRD. I don't want a check up. AND HE ASKED ASUKI OUT? Who would have thought he finally got the guts. "No, it's alright. I'll make an appointment with my own doctor." Truth was. I didn't want to tell him. I couldn't help myself. I was sick. Very sick. But he didn't know that and I didn't want to tell him. Tomoyo and my group of friends never knew. I didn't want to be selfish I didn't want the group to worry about me. The doctor told me I have leukemia and I didn't have much time left. Of course, my relatives all knew and I made them swore they wouldn't tell. And so far I was doing great. I wanted to fulfill someone's dreams before I died. And I wasn't going to let this sickness get in the way.  
  
"Are you sure?" I looked at him and cracked a weak smile.  
  
"YES! Now go call. I think I'm starting to forget how to stomp on Touya's foot." I grinned sheepishly at him. I had learned to hide my real feelings in front of him. Since I found out he liked Asuki. And now that he was with Asuki I really need to hide my feelings. His relationship with her was more important to me then my own life. I couldn't let him ruin the chance. He walked out to make the phone call as the doctor came in.  
  
"Ms. Kinomoto. Are you aware that you-."  
  
"Have leukemia, yes I know. I can't do much about it. And please doctor don't let this slip out." She looked at him sadly. "I know I only have a few months left. And I want to enjoy it. I want to fulfill my duties."  
  
"Ms. Kinomoto..." I looked at him and smiled my usual smile.  
  
"I'm fine, I've accepted it. It's only normal for people like me to be diagnosis with something like this. My mother had it too." He sadly looked at me. I could tell he pitied me. And that was something I didn't want. I didn't need pity. I wanted people to be happy for me. I wanted to make myself happy. And by doing so I was going to live life as usual. I was going to make every ones wish come true. And that will make me happy.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - BACK TO WEDDING  
  
I looked at them as they danced the night away in each others arms. I smiled. And I thought to myself, 'I made one wish a complete success and one more to go.' I looked over to Tomoyo and Eriol. This was difficult. I walked over to Eriol first and decided to start a conversation. "You know, if you keep starring at her she might turn into a statue. And then you can take her home and praise her all you want." Eriol blushed a bright red and turned to me. "You look lovely today Sakura-chan." I giggled at his silliness and stood up.  
  
"Well then, you look wonderful today as well in your best man suit. Now if you could KINDLY please ask Tomoyo to dance maybe you can put that suit to good use." I winked at him and walked away. I sat back down as I looked from Eriol to Tomoyo. He finally after debating in his own mind got up and walked to Tomoyo. With that smile that radiated from Tomoyo's face you could defiantly tell what Eriol had asked.  
  
As more and more couples formed on the dance floor I starred around. Everyone was together. Everyone but me. I smiled a sad smile as I walked to the balcony of the restaurant. I needed some air. I looked out and saw Amanogawa (River of Stars) and I made a small wish. 'I wish that everyone would live happily ever after. For me.' I opened up my eyes and saw the stars glistering even more and smiled a small smile again. I felt a wave of dizziness but I learned to hold the pain in. I looked around the dance floor and spotted the Bride and Groom. They were perfect for each other.  
  
"You do know that you should be the one out there in his arms don't you?" The voice startled me but I knew who it was. I turned around and looked at Tomoyo in Eriol's arms. I saw they seemed quite close with each other. If I hadn't known better, I'd say they were together, they moved fast. Very fast.  
  
"Silly Tomoyo. They belong with each other. You can tell from the way he is with her. He is so-."  
  
"Sakura, are you being honest with yourself? Honestly, how could you lie to yourself at this point? I see you getting skinner and paler everyday what are you doing to yourself? If there's anything that could possibly make you stop disappearing like you are right now. Please, I beg of you tell me." She gripped on to my skeleton like hands and held on to me. "Please, I'm your best friend. Eriol is too. And we want you to be healthy." I looked into her eyes and I could see that was very worried. I looked away I couldn't do it I had to tell her and Eriol. Someone aside from my family members had to know. And I knew I could trust them.  
  
"Tomoyo, gomen ne?" I looked into her eyes and she was confused. "I'm not as well as many think I am. And I'm not doing it on purpose." Her eyes widened and she stepped back. Eriol moved forward and looked at me in the eyes.  
  
"What's... what's wrong? It isn't serious right? Sakura, what is it?" I smiled lightly and looked at him.  
  
"Gomen nasai, minna-san." I stopped hesitating a bit. "I have, leukemia." I looked up and the couple slowly backed away in disbelief. As soon as they backed away they pulled me into a tight hug.  
  
"Why didn't you tell us!?!? We could have done something! Why didn't you want to tell us? Aren't we your friends? You're supposed to trust us!" Tomoyo cried into my small frame. "How long do you have? Are you going to be ok?" She looked at me sadly and I turned away.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't want everyone to worry like you are now. I didn't want to be selfish I didn't want pity I just wanted to live my life as it is now. Please don't tell anyone Tomoyo! Eriol! Please. I only have a little bit of time left. Please just let me live it through without any problems." I stepped back and I felt the tears come to my eyes. I held them in and put on a bright smile. "You guys are the only ones I told." I turned around and walked through the crowd of dancers. I need to leave I couldn't handle it anymore. I thought if I told someone that it would be a great relieve in my part. But it wasn't it only made me feel worst. I needed to leave. As I stepped outside I realized I didn't have my coat. I was going to leave without it but I needed it. I went back inside walking to the coat holder and Syaoran came out looking for me.  
  
"Sakura! Come on! I made a dance especially for you! My best friend who stuck by me all the time! Now hurry!" I looked at him surprised. Even at his own wedding he did remember me after all. We got on the dance floor and we slowly dance to the song. I looked up at him and slowly lowered my gaze. "Where did you think you were going? Leaving your own best friends wedding? I think not! You're so lucky Tomoyo and Eriol saw you walk out that door. I wouldn't have been able to- hey... what's wrong?" He lifted up my head and saw my tear stained face. I couldn't hold it in anymore I wanted to be selfish. I needed to be selfish. I threw my arms around him and sobbed the tears that never fell. I looked him and he looked at me with painful eyes that held great confusion. "Sakura, what's wrong? You've been getting skinnier lately. Did someone tell you, you were fat again!?!? I'll kill them." I shook my head against his tuxedo. "Then what is it? My friends withering away and I'm here doing nothing."  
  
I wanted to tell him but on his wedding night? I didn't want to. I didn't need to. I had no right to. I wanted to be selfish I wanted to pretend everything was ok. I wanted this simple moment to last forever. I needed it to last forever. "Let's just dance." He gave me a look and continued dancing.  
  
"I know you're hiding something. Did someone hurt your feelings? I'll make sure they regret it. You look very pretty I don't see a reason why anyone would turn you down." I realized the irony in this. He was the one that turned me down. He just doesn't know it. I debated with my inner self debating whether to tell him or not and I decided. I should. I felt myself weaken slightly and fall sleepy.  
  
What was happening to me? I needed my medicine. I wanted this to last forever so I decided I needed to stay. I wanted this and I'm getting it. I slowly feel myself slip from conscious.  
  
"Sakura?"  
  
I couldn't think I needed to think I needed to make this last. I wanted to make this last. "Sakura????" He keeps calling me and I couldn't answer I felt my heart beat skip a few and I knew I was losing my strength. I knew I wasn't going to last long. I looked up at him and opened my dull eyes.  
  
"SAKURA??? Are you ok????" I let the tears fall as I felt him lift me off the floor. "Tomoyo! ERIOL! SOMEONE CALL 911 SOMETHINGS HAPPENING TO SAKURA!" I felt a cushion on a chair. Or so I thought it was a chair. I heard Tomoyo's voice and I heard Eriol's.  
  
"Sakura! Hold on! Hold on for us!" Although I didn't have much strength left I turned to Syaoran I ruined his night I wanted everything for him. I ruined his night.  
  
"I ruined... your night Syaoran... I'm sorry."  
  
"What? No you didn't! It's fine. Sakura. Hold on ok!?!?! You have to hold on." I heard his voice crack and I knew he was crying. The great Syaoran Li. Crying. It was a once in a lifetime thing.  
  
"Sorry Syaoran I won't be here to become an auntie." I could tell from the atmosphere around me that everyone was confused. "Syaoran I'm dieing."  
  
Everyone was in shock. I knew this would happen sooner or later and it was going to happen now. I closed my eyes tight and tears started to fall endlessly. I knew I promised myself I wouldn't cry when I was dieing. I knew that promise couldn't be made. I felt my life slip out of me. I knew I had to hold on. I needed to tell them. I felt myself get put into a stretcher and carried out to the ambulance.  
  
"You're going to be fine Sakura.."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hospital  
  
I lay in my death bed. I didn't want to go in a hospital. I looked Syaoran his eyes were puffed from tears and I looked at Asuki. Tomoyo and Eriol where on my other side and all my other friends were scattered. I couldn't tell who was crying anymore my vision was blurring and I wanted to say it.  
  
"Sakura..." I looked at them in still put on a trademark smile.  
  
"I have leukemia everyone... I'm so sorry..." I felt tears sting my eyes. I wanted to turn away and make my tears go away. Syaoran looked at me and turned away. I could tell he was mad. I reached out to grab him I tugged slightly and he turned around. He was angry with me. I knew I couldn't keep it from him. He was angry with me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them fall.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? You'd think I was just a commoner or something you didn't tell me!"  
  
"I can't believe you! At a time like this you're just turning away from her!?!? Syaoran! She loves you! She loves you more then you could ever think she does!" I looked at Tomoyo. She told him. I ruined his life. I shouldn't have had these feelings in the first place. I turned to Tomoyo as my tears kept falling I let go to Syaoran and silently cried. I wanted to say something but it wouldn't come out it sounded like a high pitched whine.  
  
"Sakura..." Syaoran made me turn to him as I turned I felt weight slowly lifting off of me. I felt my world turning and become relaxing. I looked into the chocolate eyes and I felt my life being taken away. Before I was consumed in darkness for the rest of my life, I spoke softy but surely.  
  
"I ruined your day. All I wanted was your happiness."  
  
**AN:** HmmMmmm... that sucked... wow... oh well... my first try . pwease don't be too harsh --;; But anyways... don't care if you review or not I'm not a big person on that so you have nothing to worry about HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYBODY!  
  
If you do happen to leave a review don't be to harsh --;;; I don't want a bunch of people screamin at me --;;; it gets me nerves. 


	2. For Me

**AN:** Sorry!!! Ok there wasn't really… suppose to be any other parts to it I left it like… the way it is for a reason but since a few people want one… I suppose I could try to sum one up. Sorry if my writing is turning bad it's just I haven't written like that in AGES so if the writing styles different I'm sorry ;

**LAST TIME:**

_I lay in my death bed. I didn't want to go in a hospital. I looked Syaoran his eyes were puffed from tears and I looked at Asuki. Tomoyo and Eriol where on my other side and all my other friends were scattered. I couldn't tell who was crying anymore my vision was blurring and I wanted to say it. _

"Sakura..." I looked at them in still put on a trademark smile.

"I have leukemia everyone... I'm so sorry..." I felt tears sting my eyes. I wanted to turn away and make my tears go away. Syaoran looked at me and turned away. I could tell he was mad. I reached out to grab him I tugged slightly and he turned around. He was angry with me. I knew I couldn't keep it from him. He was angry with me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them fall.

"Why didn't you tell me? You'd think I was just a commoner or something you didn't tell me!"

"I can't believe you! At a time like this you're just turning away from her!?!? Syaoran! She loves you! She loves you more then you could ever think she does!" I looked at Tomoyo. She told him. I ruined his life. I shouldn't have had these feelings in the first place. I turned to Tomoyo as my tears kept falling I let go to Syaoran and silently cried. I wanted to say something but it wouldn't come out it sounded like a high pitched whine.

"Sakura..." Syaoran made me turn to him as I turned I felt weight slowly lifting off of me. I felt my world turning and become relaxing. I looked into the chocolate eyes and I felt my life being taken away. Before I was consumed in darkness for the rest of my life, I spoke softy but surely.

"I ruined your day. All I wanted was your happiness."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I felt myself slowly drift away from reality but I wanted to live. I wanted a reason and here was my reason. Syaoran finally appreciates me. I'm wanted by the one person I needed most. And here I was on my death bed.

(**AN:** I'm going to switch to Syaoran's pov just to see how you guys like it oks?)

**Syaoran's POV**

I don't know how long I've been sitting here and look at my best friends face and how it was slowly loosing color, but I was starring for a while. I wanted this to be a joke a very bad joke that someone decided to play on me. My best friend loves me and yet I do not feel the same for her. I looked at Asuki and she was just looking aimlessly at nothing. She didn't look very happy. I looked around the room hoping someone would scream,"AH HA!! SYAORAN WE GOT YOU BAD!!! SAKURA YOU COULD GET UP NOW!" It never happened.

I looked down again as my guardian angel breathed what could possibly be her last breathes.

"I'm sorry Syaoran…" I couldn't believe it at a time like this she was still so innocent. She still thought she had done something to have upset me. The only thing upsetting was that she hadn't told me sooner. I could have put off the wedding for her. I would have stopped the world for her just so should could be the same for as long as she wanted. I love her.

"Sakura… stop that… no I'm not mad at you just stop that! You'll be ok!" I looked at her hopefully. She's a strong girl she'll pull through I know she will.

**Tomoyo's POV**

I looked at my two best friends and tears slowly slipped down my eyes. Sakura was my best friend since forever and here she was leaving us. I turned to Eriol and hugged him tightly. Life was so unfair! Why does it always have to be this way? "Tomoyo… look at me… please don't be so upset death is a natural thing. When it is time for one to go they must go. No one ever said it was Sakura's time. Please stop crying." Eriol hugged me tightly. He was right. If I had faith maybe just maybe Sakura would be ok?

**Sakura's POV**

People say when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes and you see all the great things you have done in life. How was that possible when I had done nothing great? How was that possible when I feel like such a failure to society, to my friends, to my family, to everyone I cared about more then life? I saw thought back to when Syaoran told me I was useless. He always looked down on my when we were little he hated being beaten by a girl. But he's right! I am useless. Why do I keep holding on? Why can't I just let go and be done with it? Why can't I let go of something I could never have? I squeezed Syaorans hand harder. It hurt so bad on the inside it just felt like my insides would rip me apart soon.

"Syaoran-kun… hisashiburi…ne?" I asked him in a joking way.

"Nani? It's been a long time? Sakura… save your breath stop talking non-sense." I turned my head slightly and looked at Syaoran.

"Non-sense? Oh silly me, I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound sarcastic." I dully looked at him in a mocking way. I wanted him to remember that I was always sarcastic whether it was a happy day or a sad day. He hated my sarcasm. I wasn't being sarcastic at the moment but I suppose since he spent so much time with his wife he can't even tell if I'm serious or not. What a pity, what a great pity.

"Sakura, please don't go! We need you, who will model for me? Who will go shopping with me? Who will I gossip to?" Tomoyo instantly cried out after my outbreak to Syaoran. She knew I was in pain not just physically but mentally. I'm so tired… oh so very tired… but it was relaxing in a way.

"Ne, Tomoyo-chan… genki dashinaiyo… I'm sorry I can't do your modeling anymore. I'm sorry I can't do all the great things we use to do together. I'm sorry." I truly am sorry for Tomoyo. Thankfully she was now with Eriol all will be well as long as they are together.

"Asuki and Syaoran are going to have beautiful kids. Can you name the girl Kirei for me? I've always wanted to name my daughter that… maybe I'm just-"

"Sakura you will have your own kids and name your daughter Kirei don't talk just non-sense you're being delusional stop it." I could tell Syaoran was crying his voice was cracking. Or maybe my ears are cracking maybe I'm going death.

"Syaoran tell me a story… a story about… our friendship…" I've always wanted to know how he thought of our friendship a joke? A real weird relationship? What did he think of it?

"…There once was a 13 year old boy…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'll only continue if I get enough people reading this… which I doubt anyone will but anyways…

**THIS IS IMPORTANT:**

**IN THE FUTURE THE STORY WILL BE TOLD IN FLASHBACK**

I hope those who read this before doesn't think my style of writing has changed THAT much because I just haven't been yea know… writing for a while… sorry it's so short but yea I'm racking my brains out for this lol… I'll try to get chapters longer but that also means less chapters Hope no one minds and lets see how this baby goes


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